WOOOOOHOOOOO

Praise be to God! I am so happy to report that they "cannot biopsy what they cannot find", this is what the doctor said to me today when I went in for my appointment. I went in for the ultrasound and biopsy today. once there I was told that plans had changed and they would need to do a compression mammogram, no big deal. let me just say that is not pleasant to have that test done. was not aware that my boobs could be smashed that much. then I was taken in for the ultrasound and the biopsy. the tech was starting to look and could not find it, she tried every thing to locate it, then the radiologist doctor came in and took over, she kept looking, then looked at all of the original films, the ones taken earlier today, she kept saying "it should be here, but it is not"...then after 1 hour of looking...." I cannot biopsy what is not there." Follow up in 6 months or see if the surgeon wants to do another test......THANK YOU JESUS!!!! he is so awesome, what a FABULOUS Savior we serve. Thank you to EVERYONE that prayed, God ANSWERED! my mom had her little moment in the waiting room. I shook for about 2 hours. I guess I should not be surprised, but when God answers in such a way, you are left speechless and in awe. Just like the song said..."the voice of truth says this is for my GLORY!"
love to you all
tam

1 week to go

Next Monday is the big day! I am nervous, excited, exhausted, just want it over. I know that God is working and is able to do exceedingly, abundantly more than I can EVER IMAGINE. I keep hearing Jer 29:11. I have had several people quote it to me, send it to me, so I claim it for my own. I keep hearing Karen quote it, so Karen you are in my head thank you!
This past weekend, my wonderful husband surprised me with a night at a hotel and getting the jacuzzi suite. We had a great dinner, we actually got to talk, had a nice time just being together. It has been a long time since we did something like that.
I went out in the woods with him on Saturday and got in a deer stand all by myself, I can say that while I was sitting there I had time to talk with God and hear him talk back to my heart. Peace be still is what I heard him say, just be still and know that I am God. This is so hard for me to do, but I am trying to learn this lesson that he is trying to teach me. So I can say that I am in his hands and know that no matter what the outcome it is all for his glory. I keep hearing the song "The Voice of Truth", a line in the song says..."the Voice of Truth says do not be afraid" "the Voice of Truth says this is for my GLORY", "I will listen to the Voice of Truth" these are just some of the lines from the song. So all in all I had a GREAT weekend, and a good time with God. I saw a total of 5 bucks, and they were so graceful, and peaceful, amazing how they live in the woods. They truly are a beautiful animal. While sitting there the leaves falling around me, I thought that I would get cold, but I did not,I felt it was so important for me to just sit and be, I had a book but did not crack it, I sat and listened and looked, and thought.
Sometimes we look for the bolt of lightening, the sound of thunder, but it is in the quiet that he speaks, we want the eloquent words, the big powerful sermon, but it is in the whisper of the wind that he speaks. The movement of an animal, the sway of a tree, the falling of a silent leaf, the breathe of fresh air, he comes to you and in that one moment of time you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is there just for you, to meet you, to be alone with you. WOW, he loves us that much. If we just take a moment to be still and not to try to impress, be self absorbed, to get out of our norm/comfort zone and he will speak/use/direct us. We do not need an eloquent speech or prayer, all we need to do is cry out to him and he will respond.
How I love my God! He truly is AWESOME!
my love to you all. update in 1 week of what God has done.

UPDATES!

so much has happened within the last few days. so many words of encouragement; prayers; advice and I am forever grateful! God has blessed me with such a great group of friends! I love you al., more than you can even imagine. I have 2 weeks before the big day and I am confident that no matter what the outcome-God is FAITHFUL!Keep praying because that is what is getting me through.

Circus

on Friday I was able to go with Caleb to the "Greatest Show on EARTH, the ringling brothers and barnum and bailey circus". Boy have things changed at the circus since I was a kid, or maybe it is because I am old and see things from an adult view. It was fun, but man expensive. $9.00 for a slush, $8.00 for a bag of cotton candy. Yowzer. But the look on Caleb's face was absolutely priceless.
I also got a cute picture of Caleb and one of his 6 girlfriends. Miss Laney Hubbard. she is just to CUTE!Are they not just the cutest couple? SHe even asked her daddy if she could have Caleb over for a slumber party......thankfully he said NO. Her daddy is a police officer and a ex-marine, so I told Caleb that he better tow the line or else.

testing of faith

I have been hesitating on saying anything or doing anything about a certain thing in my life for about 4 months, but I think that now I need some support.


About 4 months ago I started having some breast discharge(green black), at first I was concerned, but reading about I discovered that it was probably normal. Just a blocked milk duct, no biggie.

This is also normal if you have fibrocystic breast as I do. So I was not overly concerned. I try to do monthly breast exams and have not felt anything to be alarmed about. As most of you know I have a strong family history of breast cancer.

About 2 weeks ago my cousin on my dad's side told us that she has breast cancer and it is in her mammary glands. her symptoms were nipple discharge. color: green black....well needless to say I felt a pang of fear at that moment.
So I called my PCP and talked to her about it. she was very calming and reassuring and said that it probably was nothing but I should see a breast specialist.
So about a week ago I went and saw Dr Limpert. She is the kind of women that you like but hate at the same time, not because of the type of doctor she is but because she is tall and skinny and so CUTE, kind, sweet did I mention tall and skinny, but VERY AGGRESSIVE in her treatment plan. After talking to me for an hour and getting family history and doing an exam, she wanted to do a mammogram and ultrasound then if that came back normal do a MRI. So int he space of 1 week here is what has happened to me...
so I went in for the mammgram and ultrasound on 10/30/08. Mammogram was normal, but the ultrasound showed a 4mm cyst on the right side, no big deal, this is the cause of my discharge problem. she still wanted to do the MRI. Well MRI's she told me give her a picture if something else is there that cannot be detected by mammo or u/s, or if there is the potential for something to be a problem. so cool, let's do it, then she tells me that it can also be a false positive, still cool, err on the safe side, let's do it.
WEll had the MRI on wednesday11/5, not the most comfortable of things to have done and then I almost passed out from the IV and the contrast that they have to give you, but still let's get it done. On thursday night11/6, Dr Limpert calls to give me the RESULTS......

there is something "suspicious on the right side" it is at the 3o'clock postion, it is about 2 cm below skin surface(you would think that I would feel that, but I do not)it is small in size 9x7x5mm, but it is showing up on the MRI. she does not believe that this is anything to worry about, but because it showed up and it is there she wants to "get to know it better". So now I have to go for another ultrasound that is more detailed with a radiologist there and then if it shows up again on the ultrasound then she wants a biopsy of my little friend.

NOw I cannot have this done until 11/24/08 as the radiologist that she wants to do this is on vacation and Dr Limpert is on vacation as well. FUN!

To be honest with you I am actually doing good. I know that GOd has this in his control, and there is really nothing that I can do about it anyway. I guess that I have always had it in the back of my mind that this could happen to me ( to any female), so in a way i am prepared for this.
when it comes back that I am fine I will keep getting mamms regularly, but if it comes back that I have the big "C", then I have a plan in mind and I am good with it and confident that I will SURVIVE!
THis is just a testing of my faith, trust and belief, but I will survive.

My reason for waiting to tell my dear friends and family is that I did not have the answers, not saying that I have them now, but I am in need of prayers. Pray that all goes as GOd has planned and that whatever the outcome my family and friends will be okay and that my decision will not be a selfish one and that they will realize that. WHile I am not afraid of the outcome, I am afraid of the needles, the waiting, the possibilites that it is worse then I could expect(stage wise), then the what happens next after all is said and done. I am at peace with my part of the decision, but it is the fact that it may not be an option.
To those who need to get a mammo or even a baseline....GET IT DONE. do not put it off, do not hesitate.
love to you all.

Explain

How does one go about explaining the win/lose thing to a 4 year old. I now have the dubious task of explaining to Caleb that Mr. McCain lost the presidential election, he is going to be devastated. Mad is probably not the best word to describe what he is going to be. He is the only 4 year old that I know of that stayed up to watch the debates (yes we caught him in his room with his TV on after he was to be asleep watching them), politics is not a topic that we discuss around our children that much. However this is something that he became very passionate about the last few weeks, he prayed for McCain to win. He told everyone at school he was voting for McCain, he even told the people at the polls that he was voting because McCain would win. How do I tell him that he lost, better yet how do I handle the loss? Dear God, help us. I realize that I have to respect the office of the president, and pray and support the next one, but I am not sure that I can. I am so wanting to turn into the selfish person that I can be and pray for my family and friends and self, that God helps US! I am trying to be positive, but WOW, where do we go from here. I mean I know where we are headed, but I just did not think it would be here on our doorstep. It is 11:58pm and I have so many thoughts running through my head, but my major concern is how is Caleb going to feel about his prayer not being answered, he feeling of loss and that what he wanted is not happening. He was so SURE, he just does not handle loss, failure well. I know that this is part of life and that he will need to learn it and that I cannot shelter him from it, but I think that it is in our Mother's nature to protect our kids, now even more than before. Please pray that we find the right words to say to him and that he has a receptive heart to this. I am also praying for his salvation. thanks for reading and listening